On Existentialism, Growing Up, and Doing Stuff

Lately, my interests have been shifting. I’m not pulling a Tavi Gevinson and deciding I don’t want to be in fashion anymore (sorry Tavi, love you!!), but it’s more of a thing that is happening as I’m getting older. I find myself getting blocked, and I struggle to find the right words to put on paper and more importantly, the right topics to discuss. Will people really care about my brunching habits? Or my current existential crisis? Or my new playlists? Or “fun” events and art thingys that I go to? For so long, all I did was make lists of trends and pretty clothes and ever since I created a new space [see: this wonderful website] to do just that, I find that I’m cramping my own style with abundant insecurities and worries.

It’s gotten to the point where I literally missed the 1 year anniversary for the beautiful Alkaline + Chrome. Yep, the 1 year. We’ve been together for that long and I forgot. I’m shocked A+C has’t broken up with me. I’m disappointed in the work that I’ve done on the blog in the last year, I’m not going to lie. There’s always something more urgent to do, or something more necessary, like sleeping. Or sometimes, Netflix. As I said, I’m not proud of it. But it’s what has happened.

LUCKILY, I can say that the first marking period of senior year is over, and while school is obviously still my number one priority, a little more of the stress is easing off. As the college apps finish up (only 4 more to go!) and the senioritis sets in, I can guarantee that I’ll be writing more and doing more for the site.

Time for existentialism – I’ve found that I can only really write when I’m happy and satisfied, but I can only be fully happy and satisfied when I’m writing and blogging… Just think about that.
When I’m in the groove, and I’m blogging, I swear to you, I am the happiest person to be around. It’s probably obnoxious how cheerful and optimistic and energetic I am. But when there are other priorities and not enough hours in the day, as such happens too frequently, blogging falls by the wayside, and I fall into this little pit where I can’t fully gain back my completely happy self until I start writing again. The problem then is that starting becomes more and more of a chore as it becomes harder to find exciting things to say and I become more worrisome about what to say and when. Basically, it’s an icky cycle.

I’m breaking out, right now.
Welcome back to Alkaline + Chrome. You’ll be seeing a lot more of me this year than last year. See ya around.

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